Desperation or Courage?

Everyone is probably familiar with Thoreau’s quote about most men leading lives of quiet desperation. I think he was wrong. While this may be true for many, for every person living that way I believe there are more living lives of quiet courage and hope. I believe that because I know many of these people. That’s the choice they make and they’re inspiring.

It's been on my mind because I overdid a bit, trying to rush my recovery and have been kind of out of it the past couple of days. I am not a good invalid; I get incredibly frustrated when my body doesn’t cooperate with what I want to get done and sometimes try to force myself to be well, mind over matter and all that.

I have been fortunate that I really haven’t had to spend much of my life living with a serious illness. I’ve been sick, of course, broken bones and had back issues that put me out of commission for a while, but I have always been able to return to normal. I’ve been thinking a lot about those who don’t, especially after seeing the following post on FB by someone I knew years ago and recently got back in touch with. Here’s the post, you’ve probably seen it already:

It's hard to explain to someone who has no clue. It's a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (PTSD, Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Diabetes, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, MS, ME, Arthritis, Cancer, Heart Disease, Epilepsy, Autism,M.D. etc.)

I have family members and friends who deal with Fibromyalgia, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Lupus, MS, Crohns, chronic pain and pretty much all of the other illnesses listed above and more. They rarely if ever complain and no one would ever know that they or a member of their family are dealing with incredibly difficult and frequently debilitating issues. 

 

There are many others who may not be dealing with physical challenges but also quietly, courageously go about their lives, getting things done. I know men and women who get up and go to work, every day, to jobs they hate or are bored with, so that their families have food and shelter. They work so their children can take lessons, participate in sports and have the opportunities they themselves may not have had. They come home and spend time with their children and rarely let any dissatisfaction with their careers affect their family. I know parents who deal with a child who is disabled or chronically ill, who give, give and give and rarely allow discouragement into their lives. They are amazing.

One of my girlfriends was a single mother of five for a very long time. She chose to clean houses for other people so she could have the flexibility to be the kind of mother to her children she wanted to be. Four of them are all grown up now and great people, so she obviously did something right. There are people who react with disdain to her profession, making assumptions in ignorance. Although she is no longer single, she is still the one financially supporting her family. She is amazing.

One of my sisters has been a single mother for seventeen years, since her youngest was six months old, and has never received child support. She put herself through school, obtained a Bachelors and a Masters, and has worked incredibly hard to support her children, putting her own needs aside in order to be there for her girls. She is always exhausted, but unfailingly upbeat and positive. She is amazing.

I have a friend who grew up in Detroit, in a real ghetto. She wanted more than a welfare check and has faced discouragement and discrimination from her family, her neighbors and friends in her pursuit of an education. She is the first person in her family to actually graduate from high school. You would think her family would have been proud, but no. They think she’s crazy to pursue even higher education and tell her she’s uppity, trying to be white, and does she think she’s better than them? Yet she doesn’t stop. She works, goes to school and is raising a daughter to believe in herself. She is one of the most positive people I’ve ever known. She is amazing.

I have known people in the most desperate of circumstances, financial and physical, who quietly, courageously pursue their goals. They work, they try and regardless of how many times they are knocked down, simply pick themselves up again and find another way. 

There are so many more that live lives of quiet courage and hope in a million different ways. They move forward, regardless of the challenges they face, day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year. While there are undoubtedly those who live lives of quiet desperation, I prefer to focus on those who live lives of silent courage and hope. I believe in the power of the human spirit.

First Blog!

Here goes, I’m blogging. It seems like a good way to try to make sense of the chaos that is my brain sometimes. Yes, I know I’m a little behind the curve. I’ve always written in a journal but I started thinking that I type much faster, not to mention it’s actually legible when I type. I feel like writing but have serious writers block with the stories I’m working on. So, while I’m recuperating from pneumonia and my activity is limited, I can write and obsess about whatever else is going on – food, family, home, politics, whatever. If anyone is interested, great, if not, I don’t really care, because this is an outlet for me!

After a difficult last few years, I am grateful that Jeff is employed again and I’m not. That probably sounds funny, but trying to do everything is way too stressful, not to mention impossible and I need to focus on my family and home again. I’m trying to do something with this house, which has suffered sadly from neglect the past few years. Working 40 – 60 hours a week is not conducive to taking care of a home and family properly. I don't care what anyone says, "having it all" is a myth, but that’s a topic for another day! I was making pretty good progress, until I got sick a few weeks ago and everything came to a screeching halt – very frustrating!!

Finally feeling better, this 3^rd round of the heavy duty antibiotic – Avelox for those in the know - seems to be doing the trick on the pneumonia, but it has some nasty side effects like dizziness, horrible headaches and an accelerated heartbeat and jitteriness that make it hard to get to and stay asleep for very long. Only three more day of it though and then the pneumonia will be vanquished and no more annoying side effects – something to look forward to! 

I’ve had enough energy to cook dinner the past two nights which is huge because I haven’t for a while. While sick I have been watching cooking shows a lot so I have all sorts of ideas of stuff I want to make! My family has been living on whatever they can scrounge, which I hate.

I love to cook and for me, it’s an expression of love for my family. My grandmother is a fantastic cook and the time I spent in my grandparents home while growing up, cooking with her, feeling loved and secure, is a huge part of who I am so that’s what I try to recreate when I cook for my family.  It’s what I do and it de-stresses me; I can just not think about anything except what I’m doing and at the end, you have great food to eat. What’s not to love? 

Cooking is definitely something that will take up a fair amount of space in my blog (after all, it takes up a lot of my time and energy), and I'm hoping it will help me to keep track of what I'm making so I'll put recipes in on occasion.  I’m always throwing things together that turn out great and my kids get frustrated with me because then I can’t remember what exactly I put in it – I was in that creative place – improvising as I go. I don’t do recipes, am actually pathologically incapable of following them as written even when I try. I start cooking and think, “Oh, it will be better if I do this instead.” It generally is, but makes it hard to recreate. It’s a family affliction coming from the Huntzinger side, I share it with my siblings and a lot of cousins, I understand. 

Last night we had Mexican. I made Mole sauce, Red beans and rice with caramelized corn and onions, tamales (from Evie’s, of course - Mexican Town in Detroit – had a dozen in the freezer!) drizzled with Mole sauce and sharp cheddar, avocados on the side. Yummy!

Here’s my version of Mole sauce, in case anyone is interested – it’s not exactly traditional, but good!

Mole Sauce:

Good dollop of olive oil – about 2 Tbsp or so

½ cup FINELY diced onion (I used sweet onion last night but can use whatever type)

3 cloves garlic – crushed

2 ½ Tbsp dark cocoa powder, mixed into 2 Tbsp flour and ¼ - ½ tsp cayenne

About 1 cup chicken stock

½ - ¾ cup Red pepper puree

10 oz Red Enchilada sauce (can use homemade or from a can/jar)

1/2 cup Merlot

½ & ½ - about ¼ cup

Salt & Black pepper to taste

Sauté the onion in olive oil until soft, add the garlic and cook until very soft and sticking to the pan. Add the Merlot to deglaze, bring to boil, lower heat and let it cook down until reduced by 1/2  (this also evaporates the alcohol, for anyone who is worried about that). Slowly add the cocoa mixture and then some stock to form a paste. Mix in the red pepper puree and stir smooth.  Add rest of chicken stock, keeping it smooth.

Add enchilada sauce, simmer for about 10 – 15 minutes. You can add more chicken stock if you want it more liquid. Add cream and simmer about another five minutes or so, salt and pepper to taste. Buen Comer!

The night before last I made seafood cakes (started out to do salmon patties and found a package of crab in the freezer I’d forgotten about, so they evolved) with a Red pepper sauce along with a veggie goat cheese tart inspired by things in the fridge that needed to be used up. I just served them with raw cucumber slices and it was fabulous!

Amazing Seafood Cakes

8 oz of crab, flaked *

1 4 oz. can of shrimp*

2 6 oz cans of salmon*

3 eggs

½ c. diced red onion

2 lg. garlic cloves, crushed

4 oz. cream cheese, softened

¾ cup Ritz crackers, crushed

Dash of Worcestershire Sauce

Dash of Fish Sauce

Red pepper flakes to taste

Fresh ground black pepper

Dash or two of hot sauce

Flour for dusting

*you can use any type of seafood you want; this is what I had on hand.

Mix all together, refrigerate for at least 30 minutes and then form into patties.

In heavy bottom skillet (I love my cast iron skillets!) heat about ¼ cup canola oil, add one drop of chili oil as well and mix in. Oil will need to be replenished periodically, don’t forget the chili oil!

Pan should be hot; I had it on medium but let it get good and hot.

Dust cakes with flour and cook until crispy on both sides about 3 – 5 minutes each side, depending on your stove. Cover tightly with foil and set aside in warm oven. Quickly make the sauce.

**Before frying cakes, start reducing the 2 cups wine for the sauce in a small saucepan.

Red Pepper Sauce for Crab Cakes

1 Tbsp butter

2 Tbsp very finely diced red onion

2 crushed garlic cloves

Red Pepper flakes to taste

2 cups Merlot or Pinot Noir plus ¼ cup

½ cup Balsamic Vinegar

½ - ¾ cup pureed Roasted Red Pepper

Dash of both Worcestershire Sauce and Fish Sauce

Salt & Pepper to taste

¼ cup Half & Half

In same pan, melt butter, add onion, when tender add garlic and red pepper flakes, sauté until completely soft and sticking to pan. Deglaze with Balsamic Vinegar & ½ cup wine. Bring to boil and simmer about 10 minutes, add Worcestershire, Fish Sauce and reduced Merlot/Pinot Noir and Red Pepper puree, simmer another 5 -10 minutes. Add half & half and heat through thoroughly, salt and pepper if desired.

Veggie & Goat cheese Tart

Oven to 400°

Phyllo dough

½ to ¾ cup Pesto

Olive oil

2 – 5 Tbsp Balsamic Vinegar

½ a Red Pepper

½ a Yellow pepper

½ cup diced Red Onion

4 oz of goat cheese

¼ cup fresh grated parmesan

1/4 cup pine nuts

Lightly brush a 9x13 pan with olive oil, layer about 6-8 sheets of phyllo with olive oil (brush very lightly)  across bottom of the pan – do not oil top layer. Bake for about 5 minutes until crispy.

Mix pesto and balsamic vinegar with about 1 or 2 Tbsp of olive oil and spread generously over toasted phyllo (if your pesto is very oily, decrease the olive oil, I make my own a little thicker than what you buy). Spread veggies evenly, dot with the goat cheese. Spread pine nuts and parmesan over top.

Bake for about 15 minutes. Enjoy!

Hopefully I remembered everything and got the quantities pretty close to accurate – hard to remember exactly.  Krystin will be very happy if I can reproduce the Seafood cakes and the sauce, she loved it.

So there it is, my very first blog! I can’t guarantee I’ll be regular about it, but will try to add to it once in a while. If anyone tries my recipes, let me know what you think!